i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
