she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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