Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
