Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
