i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
