dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
