It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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