is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
