I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
