piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
