i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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