Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
