That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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