her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
