he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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