Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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