I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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