dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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