i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
