I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
