I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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