you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
