Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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