my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
