I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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