do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
