My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
