I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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