No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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