You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
