Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
