pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think I just sharted jello shots
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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