Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
