What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
