meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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