i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
