too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
