im gay
i know
yea but for you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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