I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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