would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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