And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
