I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
