i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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