I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
