I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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