lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
cat food counts as protein by the way
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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