It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
