Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
