She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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