I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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