she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize