I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
