I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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