dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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