You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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