just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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