I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They have beer where we have blood.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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