let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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