I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
